Understanding Feelings

A child can learn to pay attention to new signals, thoughts and feelings. There is even the possibility for a human to be constantly in contact with new thoughts and feelings – an ideal state, leading to growth and natural confidence. There can be much stimulation and many influences surrounding a child and it is vital that they learn to differentiate between these – that they learn to listen to what is going on in them. Due to certain encounters and events in the life of a child, harsh reactions may be triggered – these may be loud and shrill, often involving fear (threatening to trigger ‘fight-or-flight mechanisms’). It is necessary for a child to get to know and be able to identify feelings of a painful and negative sort, such as desperation, frustration, anguish, hurt, disappointment; so that they get to know what they cause, as well as what might cause them; in order for them to be able to choose to be with them or not, to relegate as necessary. If the surrounding of a child is characterized by a lot of reactivity, giving voice to hostility, suspicion, anger –with little flexibility, tolerance and compassion demonstrated for the particular ways and expressions of the child or any other fellow human being – these are the kinds of reactions that will be promoted in him/her as well.

A naturally growing child, in a nurturing ecology, will keep having new feelings of an encouraging nature turning up in them, filling them, for example, with inspiration to try out new things and to communicate in an open and explorative manner. These new feelings promote new thoughts and revelations; engendering new understanding and the urge and ability in the child to take new steps and rise to situations in creative ways*.  New feelings will prod, instruct and enable a child/person to respond to life and situations as they turn up; to see and feel a way and be in contact with a  perspective to be able to deal with the (imminent) future. There is the crucial need for a child to be able to listen to themselves therefore. If met with sensitivity, it is going to be easier for a child/person to be sensitive and susceptible to their inner lives; if they are treated with nuance, discernment and are listened to with interest and without judgement, they are going to be in a good position to be able to hear what is going on in them. If continually providing opportunity for children to speak their mind, to voice,  trace and place feelings and thoughts (as part of a regular way of going on), they will get used to paying attention and give credence to what is going on in them. This will then also allow children to come in touch and express finer feelings, thoughts and wonderments, such as appreciation, value and even awe. The children would grow to respect and appreciate the stillness, which allows them to access their faculties – a place deep within themselves – where knowings and values can be had.

*This speaks of the person being in a harmonious, reciprocal interplay with their surrounding and natural ecology (only possible if the ecology is natural and humane).

K. van Brussel-Vestin, November 2015

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